Getting Engaged and Forgetting Singlehood
It's funny. When I was single, I would watch my friends getting engaged one by one and struggle to feel happy for them. Singlehood was so painful, and engaged girls (almost) always seemed so oblivious to the pain. As most of my close friends got married long before I started this blog, I had plenty of time to nurse my own dating wounds, to wallow in self-pity before the alter of singlehood. I frowned at my friends for forgetting what it feels like, for being horribly tactless.
And now I find myself lacking that same tact.
I'm so excited, I'm so overwhelmed, and I need my single friends more than ever. It was they who held my hand during the many crying episodes that ripped apart my bedroom, during the frustrations with dating, during the despair that comes with *knowing* that you're going to be an old maid. And with friendships that strong, I want to feel like I can tell them anything. Like they'll be there for me now, too. But somehow, I'm not sure how smart that is.
I mean, they want to know what's going on in my life...sort of. But they also don't. I can feel them cringing. I can feel them sometimes go silent, and I feel the pain coursing through them. I've tried to stop, but then I feel like I'm not treating them as close friends anymore.
And it's not like I'm trying to do all the talking here. Many of my single friends have made interesting lives for themselves, as have I. We have plenty of things to talk about other than my wedding plans - their jobs, their roommates, etc. And we do talk about them, and I really want to know what's going on in their lives. But I still feel like they're skeptical, like they don't think I'm quite for real, like I'm being the frustratingly selfish girl that I despised for so long. They're my friends, and they mean so much to me. Why can't they understand that that's not going to change even now?
(As I write this, I hear my own voice answering - You never understood that your engaged/married friends felt the same way. You deserve this. - And the worst part is, the voice is right.)
And now I find myself lacking that same tact.
I'm so excited, I'm so overwhelmed, and I need my single friends more than ever. It was they who held my hand during the many crying episodes that ripped apart my bedroom, during the frustrations with dating, during the despair that comes with *knowing* that you're going to be an old maid. And with friendships that strong, I want to feel like I can tell them anything. Like they'll be there for me now, too. But somehow, I'm not sure how smart that is.
I mean, they want to know what's going on in my life...sort of. But they also don't. I can feel them cringing. I can feel them sometimes go silent, and I feel the pain coursing through them. I've tried to stop, but then I feel like I'm not treating them as close friends anymore.
And it's not like I'm trying to do all the talking here. Many of my single friends have made interesting lives for themselves, as have I. We have plenty of things to talk about other than my wedding plans - their jobs, their roommates, etc. And we do talk about them, and I really want to know what's going on in their lives. But I still feel like they're skeptical, like they don't think I'm quite for real, like I'm being the frustratingly selfish girl that I despised for so long. They're my friends, and they mean so much to me. Why can't they understand that that's not going to change even now?
(As I write this, I hear my own voice answering - You never understood that your engaged/married friends felt the same way. You deserve this. - And the worst part is, the voice is right.)
posted by Holeches Levadi at 10:37 PM
7 Comments:
Why is it that the older I get the more I appreciate that 'noseh b'ol chavero' is far more difficult when the chaver is happy than otherwise
if you still check your blog ..how are things are you married yet ?
Mazel tov!
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I guess, this happens to every girl who gets engaged. Your friends will treat you like you've become this completely different person. When I was single, my friends love to flock around my carefree energy. Now, if I don't make any effort to call them, they won't bother to see me at all. I guess, this is something that every girl must accept when she chooses that path.
Mel Balsamo
JRomances.com
Hi
Please consider writing news pieces or an op-ed for Jewrusalem: Israeli Uncensored News. We strive to present different views and opinions while rejecting political correctness. Ideally, we try to make the news "smart and funny." Thus, your input is very welcome.
Best,
Alex
www.jewrusalem.net/en
Since your last post is over a year ago I doubt you check this anymore, but I feel compelled to comment anyway. I got married a few months ago, so I still remember what its like to be engaged. One of my friends who at the time was single when I was engaged got so mad at me. She said that I wasn't being a good friend and that all I cared about was my fiance. .. That I basically stopped caring about everyone else but him. All I could say to her was that I had a lot going on and I was sorry and I'd make more time for her. Now she's engaged and I see why she felt the way she did, but since I was engaged in the recent past I can't blame her. Engagement is not easy. Even if you have down-time you're still stressed out. Single friends need to give the engaged friends a break, but unfortunately no one knows this until they're engaged themselves...
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