Request for Advice: I'm almost engaged - What should I know?
Hello all! I'm sure you've been waiting with baited breath to know what's going on in my life (I know I have!). So here's the story. Yes, as Masmida guessed, the silence boded well for me and The Boy. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. But enough about that (I could wax eloquent, but I won't - now).
Since I've been using the blogosphere for advice, I'd like to ask you something new: What should I know about being engaged? Yes, many of my friends have gotten engaged, but since I've never gone through it myself, I'd love any advice that you could dish out. Again, this is a yeshiva guy, I'm from a small out-of-town place, he's from a bigger out-of-town place, both of our parents are not yeshivish, but many of our friends are.
I'd love any advice you could give me about how to make this the happiest time in his life, how to deal with parents and in-laws, how to best approach both single and married friends, how to deal with technical details surrounding the engagement and wedding, and absolutely anything else you can come up with.
Thanks to you all! And above all, thank you to Hakadosh Boruch Hu for having me finally find him. To all you single bloggers out there...Have bitachon! Hashem is watching over you, He loves you, and He will send your bashert to you when the time comes. Really.
Since I've been using the blogosphere for advice, I'd like to ask you something new: What should I know about being engaged? Yes, many of my friends have gotten engaged, but since I've never gone through it myself, I'd love any advice that you could dish out. Again, this is a yeshiva guy, I'm from a small out-of-town place, he's from a bigger out-of-town place, both of our parents are not yeshivish, but many of our friends are.
I'd love any advice you could give me about how to make this the happiest time in his life, how to deal with parents and in-laws, how to best approach both single and married friends, how to deal with technical details surrounding the engagement and wedding, and absolutely anything else you can come up with.
Thanks to you all! And above all, thank you to Hakadosh Boruch Hu for having me finally find him. To all you single bloggers out there...Have bitachon! Hashem is watching over you, He loves you, and He will send your bashert to you when the time comes. Really.
posted by Holeches Levadi at 12:16 PM
7 Comments:
[wiping smug know it all look off face]
Mazal Tov.[big grin]
as for advice:
You're going to be crazy, absolutely insane with far too many things than are really important but please remember two things.
(1) be kind. to everyone.
(2) This is not the happiest time of your life! if it is what does that bode for the rest of your existence? The happiest time of your life is when you're 120 and you can look back at your life and feel satisfied. That being said, please feel free to float everywhere several inches above the ground and wear smile rediculously wide at everything.
mazal tov.
Beshaah Tova!!!
I can only but add to Masmidas sage advice:
1- Look outside yourself- (this is an extention of be kind) this is a time when women tend to become very self obsessed- don't let it happen to you! Remember that this is the beginning of your life together-the wedding isn't the be all and end all!
2- As masmida said- 'this not the happiest time of your life!' It is a time when you are getting to know your new extended family and there might be differences of cultures, opinions, minhagim etc...
3-Get rid of expectations- the less you expect from your new in laws the more you will be delighted with whatever they do for you.
4- Remember to show Hakras Hatov to anyone who helped you get this far!!!!
Bezras Hashem, may you have only Mazal and Brocha as you embark on this new journey in life!!!!
The two ladies who posted previously have it all right. From a guys point of view: just don't get all crazy with the wedding preparations; be realistic about what you can actually do with your time and money resources, and don't forget your husband to be in the days before you get married. Congratulations and best of luck to you!
First off, Mazal Tov to you and your Choson. You need to relax a bit until the realization sets in. Take everything slow, don’t rush into things.. Be willing to accept advice from those older and wiser, but by the same token don’t allow parents and in-laws to overwhelm you and completely take control of matters to the point that it causes nothing but friction and tension between you and them and ultimately be between you and your partner.
Never forget say Tehillim daily, and constantly thank Hashem for everything. When looking at apartments, furniture, clothes, floral patterns, china, etc.. as well as, big decisions like picking a hall, caterer, band, also follow the maxim, don’t sweat the small stuff, and the big thing will fall into place to. Its good practice to get used to compromising and learning to communicate with your spouse now, for when the bigger decisions come along down the road.
The whole engagement, is a constant emotional roller-coaster, so don’t worry if you seem to be getting into moods or fits, that are atypical for you in general. Just try to relax, and be as calm you possibly can be thru all the excitement. You should be zocheh to build a bayis neeman b’yisroel.
Not that I really know, but I was going to say similar to what has been mentioned before, but has now been said more eloquently than I could have.
Mazal Tov.
B'shah Tovah!
Thank you all for your bshaah tova wishes! I will really try to be kind to everyone. I see myself getting caught up in myself, and I really want to steer clear of that. It's hard - much harder than I thought it would be when I was single. I mean, you feel like everything in your world has finally clicked, like all those years of dreaming and hoping and davening...and finally you're about to have your day. It's a heady feeling, and a whole new experience.
But at the same time, you have to juggle the emotions of your friends and family. There's such a big yezter hara to just say "go away. This is my time, and I just want to sit here and be happy." But, of course, I've been on the other side of the fence for far to long to do that in good conscience...
"Get rid of expectations" - I wish I could do that. After so long of dreaming about something, of thinking "I won't be like that" - it's very hard to realize that it's not always your choice about whether relationships are going to be perfect. I mean, I don't have a problem with "expectations" about the jewelary they should or shouldn't buy me, the money they should or shouldn't give us, the tangible parts of the engagement that I should or shouldn't receive. I do, however, have a problem with expectations about how our various relationships should be. I want to love his family, and I want him to love mine. I want my younger sister to look at him and say "Wow," and I want his older brother to be proud that I've married him. When that doesn't happen...it's those expectations that are hardest to stomach.
Oh, and semgirl - thank you so much for the reminder about hakaras hatov and davening. That's something I really, really must keep in mind. I owe Him so much...
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